


A Step Towards Me

by Pixxyofice



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Gen, Gender Confusion, Gender Identity, Nonbinary Shirogane Naoto, POV Second Person, no i don't get why i did it like this it just Happened and i was like 'ok'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:53:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25435702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixxyofice/pseuds/Pixxyofice
Summary: "But..."You didn't know how to explain everything about how you felt. Didn't really have many moments to go back on and point out'ah, my gender doesn't feel right!', and when you did, you always had moments where your genderdidfeel right... right?"We'll be with you every step of the path." Naoto's face grew grim. "If anyone doesn't, I'll shoot them myself."
Comments: 8
Kudos: 19





	A Step Towards Me

Exploring your gender identity was tough.

How were you supposed to tell what emotions meant something? How were you supposed to tell if your comfort with how you were referred to really was what you wanted to be referred to, and not just something you grew used to over the many years being referred to it? How were you supposed to know if something was just a part of daily life, or if something was unusual for you?

How were you supposed to know if the emotions that went through you when you looked at yourself in the mirror was just a temporary insecurity or the beginning of something bigger? How were you supposed to discern why some days, how you usually dressed felt like the best thing ever, but other days felt like the way you dressed grated against your mind and soul?

A hand landed on your shoulder, and you jumped, swirling around to meet eyes with your assailant. The hand jolted back as well, the form it belonged to taking steps back—

You felt guilty, when your eyes met theirs and you realized it was just one of your friends. Their eyes reflected the same guilt, and you wished you hadn't turned with such an accusatory glare.

"I'm sorry," spilled from their mouth, "I should've checked if you heard me first."

You shook your head, plastering a smile on your face. "No, don't be! It's my fault for being stuck in my own head! I bet you called my name like, 20 times..."

"Just once." They said, but there was their smile returning, and that was a success. The smile faded though, eyebrows creasing as they looked up at you. "... Are you okay?"

"What?" Why did your friend have to be so eagle-eyed? Why couldn't Yosuke have been the one to spot you staring into space? You laughed, curling a strand of hair around your finger, hoping your smile at least convinced them you weren't tangling with something you had no idea how to tangle with. "I'm fine, I'm fiiine, don't worry, Naoto-san!"

Naoto continued to stare up at you, eyebrows still creased, and you knew that Naoto didn't buy it. Curse their budding understanding of their own emotions. You loved it, but also hated it.

"Rise-chan," they said, and the honorific usage feels like it stabbed you in the heart, "you know—"

"I—"

You had spent at least a year trying to make Naoto feel comfortable enough to refer to you as Rise-chan. They always referred to the others formally, and you wanted them to feel closer to you.

You should be celebrating this usage. But your heart disagreed today, and that made you feel _awful_.

Naoto stopped, mouth hanging open slightly.

You tried to smile at them. "Aha, don't mind me—"

"No, you should speak first."

Naoto stared up at you, expecting. They placed a hand on their hip and left one dangling, head tilted to hear you better.

You bit your lip.

"... Could you... not call me Rise-chan today?"

Naoto's eyes widened with surprise, and the guilt pooled at the bottom of your stomach. "... Oh? Didn't you—"

"I did!" You shouted, your bottled thoughts and stormy emotions shattering against their innocent question. "I _really_ did! Yosuke was calling me Rise-chan—" you spat out the _chan_ , like it was a poison, "—everyone was calling me Rise-chan, and it felt _right_ ! But today everything's been weird, _I've_ been weird—" you hiccuped, but pushed forward, "and you calling me Rise-chan just feels _wrong_! Like... Like that's not..."

Another hiccup. You shouldn't be crying over this. You wiped your eyes, trying to make sure none of the tears flowed. You didn't even care about the mascara that smeared on your hands. "Like that's not _me_ today."

Naoto stared at you for a moment, mouth agape, before reaching forward and pressing a hand on your arm. They squeezed it slightly, smiling at you again. "... Rise-san," They said, and it felt slightly okay, but still not right, "you know that we will all support you, yes?"

You stared at them, not sure if you could speak anything without any tears spilling again.

Naoto huffed, pressing a bit tighter onto your shoulder. "You have supported us through all of our journeys. Supported Yosuke when he was grappling with himself, supported me when I looked back on my shadow and realized there was another side to myself I didn't realize... supported our leader when he realized that his experiences with gender wasn't how everyone seemed to experience it." Naoto smiled again. "Seems only right we support you."

"But..."

You didn't know how to explain everything about how you felt. Didn't really have many moments to go back on and point out _'ah, my gender doesn't feel right!'_ , and when you did, you always had moments where your gender _did_ feel right... right?

"We'll be with you every step of the path." Naoto's face grew grim. "If anyone doesn't, I'll shoot them myself."

That got a surprised chuckle out of you, wet eyes drying slightly. "When you put it that way, it sounds so simple..."

Naoto lifted their hand from your shoulder, looking away. "... We all have to start somewhere, and the first step is... usually the hardest." They started curling a strand of their own hair around their finger, because they lacked their hat today. "Rise-san is fine, yes?"

You ponder it for only a second.

"Could you try Rise-kun?"

Naoto nodded, silent for a few moments.

"... Rise-kun," And that _clicks_ , like how Rise-chan used to before, "we could go over to the textile shop and buy clothes from Kanji-kun."

Your smile lifted on your face... well, you knew it was resembling a smirk, really. You lean on their shoulder, a giggle escaping you. "Ah, want to see your boyfriend, huh?"

Naoto's face flushed red— _success!_ — and glared at you. "No, he is _not_ —" Naoto sighed, turning on their heel and walking down the path. "I am not giving you the response you crave. Rise-kun, let's go."

You giggled, walking down the road after them. You felt a bunch better already— shopping always sounded good, and maybe you would be prepared to talk about your complicated gender feelings with the others soon.

**Author's Note:**

> (pushes genderfluid rise) (pushes genderfluid rise) (pushes-)
> 
> i will be honest, the second person fic was a surprise from me too, so don't count on there being more second person fics from me!
> 
> tell me what you think~


End file.
